MaurosArt
Here we are with the final installment. We wrap up this interview with Den Milli, exploring more of his time and talents in a war-torn city, and how he manages the daily stresses while remaining creative in a hostile environment. Let’s get into it.
It has significantly. I fully stopped making content, I go out less than I used to, I cannot travel even across the country due to severe mobilization, I cannot hang out after midnight, plus constant stress, lack of sleep due to night attacks, not being able to plan anything even a week ahead, and much more.
To be honest, I wouldn’t say that I’m successfully overcoming them. I mean, I definitely see people around me who are doing much better than me in their personal and professional lives.
For me, it is extremely difficult to live in the conditions like these as I’m a very emotional and sensitive person. Some things did start to scare me less, like explosions at night, for example. I used to immediately run to the underground parking from the 11th floor if I woke up from an explosion but these days I just check on the news what’s happening. If it’s a drone explosion and it’s not in my area, I just go back to sleep. However, I have still been sleeping in my clothes since December 2023 after 2 ballistic missile attacks on my city at night that happened before the air alert. I got extremely scared and traumatized those 2 times and since then I still sleep in clothes just so that I could immediately run to the shelter without wasting time on dressing up if it happens again.
As far as my career, it has also suffered significantly. As mentioned earlier, I stopped making content, partially because of blackouts all across the country, but mainly because I just don’t have enough mental resources for that.
“Some things did start to scare me less, like explosions at night, for example.”
I feel like it is very difficult for me to relate to people’s problems in their careers and personal lives when facing what I have to face every day. So, that’s why I haven’t started with content yet. Because you have to be able to relate so that you provide them with good solutions.
I just do the minimum that I’m capable of doing, like reaching out to people, finding projects, and working on them, and I guess that’s all that I have enough energy for right now.
I can remember some stories like these only during the 1st year of the war, in 2022. The thing is that back then, all of us thought that it was not gonna last for too long that the war would be over soon that our country would look like a hero, like a true protagonist, and that the future would be incredible for all of us.
On top of that, I was living with my friends in the country house, and it sometimes felt like we were in the movie. Even during the blackouts in the winter, we would just sit around the fireplace and talk, joke, smoke, etc.
But times have changed. The war was not over within a year, instead, we got into a stagnation phase for a year, and now we’re retreating almost 3 years later. The whole world is also not very positive about our country and lots of people started seeing us rather as a problem, than heroes. We also now have a reputation as a begging country.
But, I could not care less about my country’s reputation. I’m more of an individualist here. And I have already made a decision to get out of here as soon as the war is over.
As far as my life goes, I had to move back with my parents to a small apartment in Kyiv. Although spending the blackouts in a small apartment with your parents is way more difficult than in a big country house with your friends. 2023 was probably the most mentally challenging year for me. It was a stagnation not only on the battlefield but in my personal life as well. I just couldn’t see any hope for the future. 2024 was not much better. Almost 3 years since I have been living in constant stress, not able to travel, not able to fully enjoy life, and all this happens during my so-called “best years”. I was 25 when the war started and 28 now at the time of writing this. I’d just want to live my life, get to know people all over the world, explore new cultures, travel around, and not go through all this stuff.
The only thing that inspires me is the picture of me going abroad further from this country, living somewhere near the ocean, in peace, and learning how to enjoy life again. This is the only thing that has been inspiring me for the last 2 years.
“It was a stagnation not only on the battlefield but in my personal life as well. I just couldn’t see any hope for the future. 2024 was not much better.”
As I just mentioned, some hopes for the future of me living near the ocean, in peace, in a sunny country, is the only inspiration that keeps me going. I can barely find anything else that would inspire me in this environment. I find inspiration only outside of it. Just the thought that there are still areas where people enjoy their everyday life, in peace, go on vacation, and plan the future, motivates me a lot. I convince myself that I’ll be one of them one day too. It’s just I’m temporarily imprisoned in my own country.
So, almost every festival or other event that is organized not only in Kiev, but anywhere in Ukraine, they send at least half of the profit, if not all profit, to the military’s needs like cars, drones, equipment, etc. All people, not only music artists, always collect funding that they send directly to the military brigades to cover their needs. Any venue in Ukraine works on closing some military’s needs. Artists are not exceptions. A lot of artists send all their profits from touring to those needs as well.
Nowadays, however, it has become more difficult to do because the government significantly increases taxes for businesses that are already starving, and also incorporates the military officers’ raids to find young men who avoid military service. As there are a lot (roughly 6 million) people tend to avoid going out to the big venues and other public places because of that. Sometimes it looks like literally kidnapping from the streets. There are thousands of videos already made of how it happens. Both police and conscription officers very often overstep their authority. As a result, the economy and the military’s help suffer. Throughout the whole war, I have had a feeling that the government is fully separated from the people. They live in their own world, and they don’t really appreciate people’s initiatives, otherwise, I can’t explain why all this is happening right now.
I only participate in other people’s funding campaigns. I do send donations directly to the people who I know, or to the military brigades that I trust avoiding the governmental funding campaigns and the big company’s funding because of insane corruption there. However, lots of my friends organize the artworks, festivals, etc, and donate their full income to the military. So, I’d rather support them or the military directly.
It hasn’t, to be honest. It’s just I spend less time working on music because my mental energy is quite limited now.
I do not. Unlike many artists who need to feel some emotions to transform them into music, my approach here is very different. I do not really attach my emotions to music. Moreover, I’d even say, that if I feel extremely sad, angry, desperate, or whatever else, I tend to not make music in such a condition. I prefer to let it go first, wait until I feel absolutely calm, and only then I get to creating music. For me, it is very important to feel “calm” when I work on music. I don’t need to feel crazily sad, angry, or happy. Emotions don’t help my music creation process at all, which I know might be counterintuitive. But that’s what I meant when I said that I sometimes approach music as a mathematical task, just with a bit more creative freedom than in math.
As I do experience the emotional roller coaster on a daily basis, that’s why I tend to work less on music than I used to before the war.
“Sometimes it looks like literally kidnapping from the streets. There are thousands of videos already made of how it happens. Both police and conscription officers very often overstep their authority.”
Frankly, it’s hard for me to have any hopes for it given the current circumstances. I’m just not sure where it is heading. Also, I’m not a big fan of the Ukrainian mainstream music scene and I don’t feel myself as a part of this music community. I only have very few favorite Ukrainian artists that I follow and that’s pretty much it. I believe there will still be a lot of great talents out here but most of them are likely to stay underground.
To be fully transparent, I was thinking about it a lot before the war. Like, what is my role in the industry, how I get there, etc. With the beginning of the war, my priorities have changed a lot. Maybe this is just because of my current mental state, I don’t know. But as for now, I feel like music is just a tool for me to keep going, not become crazy, to connect with interesting individuals all over the world, and, of course, this is my main source of income. I don’t think too much about my role in the industry, at least during these days.
My main priority right now is just a peaceful life, a stable music income, and a safe environment for me and my family. As soon as I achieve this, I’ll get back to thinking about my role in the industry and what’s the next step to where I want to take it.
And there you have it!! Thank you, Den Milli. It was a great interview with a lot of powerful insight. I’m sure there will be more stories ahead in the coming months. I hope this interview has been impactful for you as it was for me and the team at Rhythm ‘n Role. Cheers.
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